Why is it so hard to ask for help, even when we need it? Why would we rather suffer alone or refuse help, even when it’s offered to us, when there are positive reasons to let others help us? Pride, lack of a sense of worth, and not wanting to be a burden are just a few reasons we deny assistance. However, God never intended for us to go it alone here on Planet Earth. All through the Bible He encourages us to seek Him first, and He will help us through our day-to-day challenges. He also stresses the importance of living and working together with other people.
Here are just a few reasons it is okay to ask for help . . .
1. Admitting we need help pleases God.
None of us is perfect and capable of doing everything on our own. We all fall short and need to depend upon Him and others. We cannot do everything with our own wisdom and strength. He wants us to seek His help, and He wants us to have a give-and-take relationship with our fellow human beings. “Iron can sharpen iron. In the same way, people can help each other.” (Proverbs 27:17)
In fact, refusing help because we feel like we’re a burden to others, we worry our request will be denied, or we fear we’ll appear weak are all examples of selfishness, because we’re looking at ourselves and worrying about our own reputations, rather than allowing others to help us with things we can’t do so that God can work through us in ways we can. We all have our limits, so why put unfair expectations on yourself, feeling like you can’t get help from others? Maybe you can’t accomplish that task without them, or maybe if you try, it will exhaust and strain you so much and take up so much of your time that you’re not able to do the things He’s called you to do.
2. Even Jesus asked the Father for help.
Even Jesus Christ, the Son, cried out to God, the Father, for help on a regular basis. Throughout the Scriptures, Jesus prayed to God the Father on behalf of others, and for Himself he prayed for the strength to withstand temptations and for guidance in all that He said and did.
Exodus 18 also tells an interesting story of when Moses was leading the Israelites and trying to do everything by himself. He had taken upon himself the monumental task of being the one and only person to guide these thousands (perhaps millions) of people in all of their individual decisions. His father-in-law Jethro came to him and told him he couldn’t keep trying to do everything himself, and that he needed to train others and allow them to help.
3. Those who help us are blessed.
“Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.” (Ric Ocasek)
By not allowing another person to help, you may be robbing them of their blessing. I remember when my daughter was young, she saw the neighbor working in her yard and (on her own initiative) decided to go and offer help. Now, it may have been that the neighbor was trying to be nice by letting her off the hook, but I still remember the dejected look on my daughter’s face when she came back over and told me she wasn’t needed. Giving another the opportunity to serve you gives them favor before God, and research shows that helping others can reduce stress and add quality to our lives. Keep in mind, though, that you may need to ask for the help. Don’t assume they can read your mind and know what you need. They may want to help but don’t know how or are afraid they’ll insult you by asking.
4. We can help, too . . .
If you feel you have no worth because you need help from others so often, here are some verses to encourage you and remind you of your worth.
“For you (God) formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Esphesians 2:10)
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others.” I Peter 4:10
Everyone has their own individual talents and means of serving others. Just because you need help with a particular task, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other tasks you do better than others. We all have strengths and special talents we can use to serve God and help others. That’s what makes humanity so interesting. How boring life would be if everyone was gifted in the same ways and nobody needed anything from anyone. We ALL have SOMETHING we can do for others.
It’s especially easy to feel helpless and worthless when you’re lying in a bed through surgeries and recoveries. Believe me, I know. But even in those times, we can serve others. During those situations, I could pray for those around me and anyone else God brought to mind, smile and try to brighten someone’s day, or encourage someone by the way I was handling my current situation. Worth repeating: there’s ALWAYS SOMETHING you can do for others.
. . . But we may help people other than those who help us.
My life as a college student was one of the best times of my life. I was so shy during my high school years, but when I got into the setting of college dorm life, on my own, and forced to meet new friends and do more for myself, I thrived. I went from crying on the phone to my parents wanting to come home my first few weeks there, to barely going home on the weekends once I got settled. Some of my best memories are from my college days.
On the other hand, during one particular stretch of time (around my junior/senior year), I experienced some of the loneliest, darkest days of my life. Many factors were involved, for example, physical pain had a big impact, as well as some social and emotional issues. I realize now I was depressed.
It was then that I shared with a friend my feelings of weakness and embarrassment for relying on others in so many ways and that I felt guilty that I’d never be able to repay my parents and others who helped me so much. She then gave me this wise counsel which I never forgot: She said even though I might not necessarily be able to repay the specific person who helps me and in the same way and amount they helped me, I could and would help others in ways I might not even realize, and that, in a way, would be my payback to my helpers.
Maybe you can’t physically help others. My husband and I get a LOT of help from family, friends and neighbors. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable because we’re only the takers and not the givers. But I remind myself that God has given us other ways to serve Him besides physically. Maybe your encouragement and kind, positive words mean more to brighten a person’s day than you’ll ever know. Maybe your special gift is sending notes and cards or praying for others. Maybe you have a gift for seeing the good in others, helping someone else feel loved, pointing out truths that others don’t see, or providing financial assistance to those in need. God has a way to use you. If you’re not sure what that is, ask Him.
5. Mighty works are accomplished in and through us and those around us.
Over the years, I have learned that I can do so much more of what I love if I allow others to help me along the way. And I truly believe this is what God wants, because I’m better able to help others and to serve Him. In my life, asking for help has positively impacted my relationships, career, educational opportunities, missions and service projects.
One of my strengths is organizing and planning events and activities. I’ve been a Girl Scout leader, Little People of America conference organizer, Bible School teacher, to name a few. All of these involved physical aspects that were beyond my abilities, but God always provided the helpers, and they seemed genuinely happy and eager to help. My husband is one who doesn’t need to be in the front. He helped me by chauffeuring, helping set up, patiently waiting for me, cooking dinner on a meeting night, just as many household chores as I did/do, if not more. The people I was trying to serve were so much more benefitted and positive results increased when I allowed others to come alongside me and offer their gifts and talents.
Conclusion:
God designed us to need Him and to need each other. He loves us so much that He doesn’t want us to live in solitude. What good would it do to sit in a corner, feeling sorry for myself, because I can’t do certain things when instead I could get help and better participate in the world around me? Letting others help us opens us up to get to know others and let them get to know us.
“In the same way, even though we are many individuals, Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other.” (Romans 12:5)
Our lives are enriched when we help each other.
